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tell me when it’s over!

March 28, 2012

Ugh!  Lent and its long agonizing days…  I am so ready for it to be over; I’ve been ready.  These weeks have been full of frustrating disappointments, distressing surprises, and tedious setbacks.  Sound horrific?  Well, perhaps horrific is a bit strong, but it has been a rough Lent.  My hope is waning, along with the energy necessary to endure the suffocating weight of anxiety, worry, and excruciating suspense brought on by Lenten challenges.  There have been moments of joy and peace woven through the intense internal suffering, the occasional oasis in the Lenten desert, but I am ready to chuck my cross to the curb and be done with it.

I keep reminding myself to be a woman who “laughs at the days to come”.  I think of Easter Sunday and the promise of the Resurrection.  I think of our Lenten suffering ending, and embracing the celebrations of Easter.  Oh… those beautiful days of joy to come…

While I long for the reprieve of Easter, I realize that I also have to laugh at the days close at hand: these last days of Lent that I so desperately want to skip.  It is easier to laugh at the days to come when they are off in the future and are full of  potential and hope, than it is to laugh at those days looming directly in front of you knowing that they will only prolong your agony.  But there can be no Resurrection without first the Crucifixion; there can be no skipping ahead.  I wonder how much more I can endure?  How much more must I endure?  I pray that Easter will bring the peace, comfort, and resolutions I desire, but I’m going to have to figure out how I’m going to last that long.  I might just hide out under my bed until Holy Saturday.  Anyone want to volunteer to tell me when it’s over?

Evening Prayer – March 27, 2012

Psalm 143:1-11

Lord, listen to my prayer:

turn your ear to my appeal

You are faithful, you are just; give answer.

Do not call your servant to judgment

for no on is just in your sight.

~

The enemy pursues my soul;

he has crushed my life to the ground;

he has made me dwell in darkness

like the dead, long forgotten.

Therefore my spirit fails;

my heart is numb within me.

~

I remember the days that are past:

I ponder all your works.

I muse on what your hand has wrought

and to you I stretch out my hands.

Like a parched land my soul thirsts for you.

~

Lord make haste and answer;

for my spirit fails within me.

Do not hide your face

lest I become like those in the grave.

~

In the morning let me know your love

for I put my trust in you.

Make me know the way I should walk:

to you I lift up my soul.

~

Rescue me, Lord, from my enemies;

I have fled to you for refuge.

Teach me to do your will

for you, O Lord, are my God.

Let your good spirit guide me

in ways that are level and smooth.

~

For your name’s sake, Lord, save my life;

in your justice save my soul from distress.

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